Thursday, January 26, 2012

The Peyton Manning Situation…If Vince McMahon Was Running The NFL

Peyton Manning is bummed out by the current Indianapolis Colts situation.

With coaches being fired left and right, a new general manager, the Colts most likely drafting his replacement (Andrew Luck) and a $28 million dollar bonus deadline looming, Peyton must be irked at the franchise that he revived in the late 90s and made into a juggernaut for the last 13 seasons (not including 2011) for subtlety dismissing him as of late.

Peyton must be secretly fuming if he thinks he can still play…or that’s what Vince McMahon would want you to think---if he was running the NFL of course.

I think their conversation would go a little like this…

Vince McMahon: Look Peyton, your team is back-stabbing you—you need to play this slighted angle up ALOT more.

Peyton: But I’ve been a Colt my entire life. I love them so much that I even pretended to be positive while Curtis Painter was bouncing passes for eight games!

Vince: Yeah—but you want to play still, right?

Peyton: Of course. I love the game, but I’m not sure about this neck thing. What do you have in mind?

Vince: Well, the Super Bowl is coming up, and I arranged it to be the Giants vs. Patriots.

Peyton: Wait, did you say arrange?

Vince: Focus Peyton! It’s your brother’s team vs. your most hated rival!

Peyton: So?

Vince: Haven’t you ever heard of high stakes? Like the loser gets their head shaved? Or the loser has to retire? You should re-invent your image with putting stakes on this game?

Peyton: Go on…

Vince: I’ll make arrangements for a press conference next Monday. You will announce that your retirement will hinge on the outcome of this game. If the Giants win—you come back because you can’t bear the fact that your brother would have more Super Bowl rings than you. You will then turn heel and play for a Colts rival, like the Dolphins or the Jets, so you can smoke them twice a year for the next few years. However, if the Patriots win--you retire. This way your most hated team will have the chance of ending your career.

Peyton: But I’m leaning on coming back!

Vince: (laughing) Did you see Super Bowl XLII? Don’t worry, I already arranged for the Giants to win in “miracle” fashion again.

Peyton: But what about my neck?

Vince: I’m the head of the WWE!

Peyton: (confused) and….?

Vince: I meant steroids.


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